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Joker Says #2


TBU Joker Says

Editor’s Note: The following article is meant to be a take on how the Joker would react to the real world outside of the DC Universe and to current events. The article is also darker because it is in fact coming from the perspective of one of the darkest characters in The Batman Universe. Viewer discretion is advised.

Greetings Bat-babies it is your dear old Uncle J. Back once again and writing to you from my new hidden location.

Oh I bet you have so many new questions for me now you’ve read of my victory over Batsy in Batman. “Victory?” I hear you cry. Oh yes! I knew old Snydy would come through for me and give me the win all my hard work and effort deserves. I mean look at his cute little 12 year old face, balanced there on that big old set of shoulders. You know what’s scary is I got his personal file and he is actually 67. Doesn’t look a day over 13. I miss him you know. Together we had such fun, we laughed…well I laughed…we cried…well he cried and we danced. Oh how we danced. Maybe I should go and pay him a little visit. I think he will be delighted to see me. I know the Riddler will be. Hee hee hee hee hahahahahahahahahahaha!

But I guess you dunder heads will be wondering how I won. I know what you will be sat at home saying “But Joker didn’t you jump off a cliff and Batman stop you killing his sidekicks?” No of course not, didn’t you read it? Or look at the pretty pictures in most of your cases. Batsy pushed me. I felt it. He was so nearly there. For years we have danced about and every time… oh so close! One day he will cross that line and it will be who makes him do it. Let’s face it that moment will be glorious. He will become me and the flood gates will open and then all chaos will be loosed. And he will know I led him down that path. I, in that wonderful, delightful, delicious moment will finally have won.

Do I care who he is? No of course not! He is still my little Batsy-boo. I sweet little dimpled baby and I REFUSE to share him with those Bat brats of his. No! He is mine. I don’t even really care who his whingey babies are at all. I just like the fact that they think I know who they are. They won’t talk to him. They will ignore and avoid him. And that’s just how I like him. Just us two doing the same dance we have been doing for years.  Going around and around. An eternal Valentine’s day.

Wasn’t that a drag? Valentine’s day. No one to play with. Harley is off playing with deadspurt. Bruno doesn’t exist anymore. It’s just no fun being all alone on Valentine’s day. So I went off to find my own kind of fun. What is it the NRA say “the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” I think that is nonsense. I don’t like guns, you never get to saviour all the moments using a gun. My gun only says BANG! Although when you pull the trigger twice….whoopsy! Looks like I need a new henchmen.

Besides there are plenty of things that guns can’t stop: Tanks, Batman and laughing gas. I think that is really what all those people at the National Retard Association need. A good laugh…to have a gas. Hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That would put a smile on their faces. Always so dour in front of the camera they should lighten up!

Anyway I think that is all from me this month bat babies. But don’t forget to tune in next month to read more from your special friend Joker. It will be murder. Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

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